


xiii. - xviii.

by Jimin



Series: What we called love [3]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5557766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimin/pseuds/Jimin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING: mentions of inflicting pain to a partner during sexual intercourse.</p><p>jimin needs help, and so does jeongguk. it might be a time to finally get some.</p>
            </blockquote>





	xiii. - xviii.

**Author's Note:**

> it has been over a year. i am sorry. i truly am.

**xiii.**

it's cold and wet, and jimin hates it, but crying has helped. has been helping through the past few months. at least he thinks so. crying allowed him to leave when the situation got too... he doesn't know which word describes it best; not that it matters. all he really cares about is getting help. someone who understands, someone who doesn't push him pastt he limits he's been setting. someone nice.

someone like yoongi.

everyone tried their best to help him. namjoon tried so hard to understand; respected jimin's protests when he wanted the group to stop promoting for a while. seokjin's gentle touches and warm meals kept jimin going. kept his body move despite the protests of his mind. taehyung's happiness was contagious; meant for both jimin and jeonnguk as the boy harshly criticized anyone who tried to pick sides. his laughs and really, really dumb jokes made it easier to forget, even for a second, of the pain that was eating jimin from the inside. hoseok on the other hand had picked his side. he stayed with jeongguk, kept the youngest safe, kept the youngest sane before guilt ate him from the inside.

but it was yoongi who did the most. it was yoongi who helped jimin's wounds heal; who healed jimin's mind.

 

**xiv.**

"why are you always here when shit goes down?" yoongi asks from the doorway. he has a scarf tightly wrapped around his neck, palms rubbing against his biceps. jimin can tell he's shivering.

it's the middle of december, the snow hasn't fallen yet but it's going to, soon. the roof of their apartment building has been a sanctuary for jimin these past few months. "i like the quiet."

yoongi scoffs. "'quiet'? the fuck you on?" he's moving forward, sits down next to jimin and wraps his hand around the younger's shoulders. "it's louder here than it's in the dorm." his body shakes against jimin's and the younger feels bad for making yoongi cold. "quiet my ass."

"please, go back inside," he whispers before yoongi can go on a rant. "i don't want you to catch a cold because of me."

he doesn't expect yoongi to comply. but the older boy is standing up, a small smile on his lips. "i don't really want to leave you all alone up here, but," he stops rubs his palms together, "i know you're a smart kind and aren't going to do something stupid." he pats jimin's head and leaves.

jimin knows he's right. he's better, much better than he was a year ago. a year ago somewhere at this time jeongguk was screaming his name and pulling his skin apart just a few blocks down in the studio.

**xv.**

some things are hard, others are harder. that’s just the way it is. but jimin has had enough. “i want help,” he finally realizes one morning over a cup of hot tea. “professional help.” he  doesn’t look up from his tea, too afraid to meet anyone else’s eyes, but he hopes they’re with him. hopes they all support his choice.

“me too,” jeongguk whispers from the other side of the room. his head bowed, eyes watery and fixated on the floor. “i need it too.”

everyone is quiet for a moment. it’s been a while since jeongguk acknowledged jimin’s presence while not in front of cameras. for two more heartbeats no one says anything, but then taehyung smiles and wraps himself around jimin and everything feels fine. jimin thinks, for the first time, that they can go back to how things once were. at the very least, he hopes he can get to how he once was.

he feels yoongi’s fingers gently rub over his own and when he looks up he sees the man fondly smiling at him. it might be okay, it all might still be okay.

“i’m really glad you’re up for this,” seokjin mutters, his voice a bit shaky.

 

**xvi.**

the first session with his therapist is... awkward. jimin isn’t sure he wants to share everything, he isn’t sure jeongguk wants to share everything. so he tries to tell her as little as possible before he decides he’s ready to share it all. he should talk to jeongguk too. it could help him get over this too. or at least that’s what he thinks. he’s not sure anymore. everything’s been so strange lately. he just wants a way out of this, a way to forget what had happened; forget because he doesn’t know why it happened. so when the woman in front of him asks “do you think you still might like it if he’d do it now?” he doesn’t know the answer.

jimin isn’t sure he ever really liked it per say. he’s convinced himself that he liked jeongguk’s reaction when he acted like he did like it. but he never was sure he actually liked the pain jeongguk put him through. sure he did like the hair pulling, jeongguk pushing him against the wall, biting on his lips, but he never liked the scratches that bled for hours, the bruises that marked his skin for weeks, bite marks that never fully healed. but most of all, he hated the smirk on jeongguk’s lips when he’d lick away the blood dripping from the busted lip, or the scratched skin, or the bite mark. he hated it.

he doesn’t answer, because he doesn’t know. he thinks he might never know.

 

**xvii.**

he’s back at the roof, skin tingling from the cold. the doors open and he has to sigh. “yoongi, i’m fine. please go back inside.” but when he turns around a different pair of brown eyes is staring back at him.

jeongguk looks worn out. his skin is pale and thin, shoulders slouched and head bowed. “i want to talk.” his voice is weak, silent. “please.”

a part of jimin wants to run, as far as possible. the last time he tried to talk to jeongguk he ended up more damaged than he was before. but there is something in the younger’s eyes that makes him stay where he is. that makes him want to listen, want to know how jeongguk’s been doing. how has this affected him?

so instead of running he pats the concrete beside him and tries to put on a comforting smile. “sure, i think it’s time we do.”

 

**xviii.**

the therapist helps. she’s a nice woman with a soft smile and a lot of tissues in her office. she asks questions, but allows jimin not to answer. “when you’re ready you’ll answer them all. so i’m not going to push you straight away.” jimin appreciates that. he really does.

“so have you talked to jeongguk about it?” she asks one day, they’re close to the end of the session. it’s sunny outside, jimin feels good.

he did, a bit. but they never discussed what had happened between them. jeongguk apologized a lot. jimin tried to see the situation through his eyes, failed to do so and tried once more. “we tried,” he says just as the clock ticks the end of the hour.

“i’m glad to hear that.” his therapist says putting away her notepad. “trying is good.”

jimin doesn’t have the heart to tell her he could forgive jeongguk because at that rooftop all he could think about was the softness of jeongguk’s lips, and what an idiot he is to have lost it.

**Author's Note:**

> well, hasn't it been a while. i'm not sure this 100% fits with the rest of this, but i felt like writing it. and here's a bit of that happy ending i promised the first time.


End file.
